Worried About Someone?
You don't need the perfect words. Showing up twice matters more than saying it right once.
Signs someone may be struggling
- Pulling back from the crew, the table, or the group text
- Anger or irritation that doesn't match the situation
- Drinking more, or drinking alone
- Sleeping badly, or sleeping all the time
- Calling out more, or volunteering for every shift to avoid being home
- Talking about being a burden, or that people would be better off
How to start a conversation
- Pick a side-by-side moment — checking the rig, a drive, the bay — not an office
- Lead with what you noticed, not with a diagnosis
- Ask twice. The first answer is almost always "I'm fine"
- Leave silence. People fill it when they're ready
What to say
- "You've seemed off since that call. How are you doing, really?"
- "I'm not trying to fix it. I just want to know how you're doing."
- "I've felt that way too."
- "Are you thinking about killing yourself?" — direct is safer than vague
What not to say
- "At least it wasn't worse."
- "You've got to toughen up."
- "Everyone deals with that."
- Anything that turns the conversation back to you before they're finished
Supporting someone after a traumatic call
- Practical beats profound: food, water, a ride, a shift covered
- Don't push them to retell the call in detail
- Check back in a week, and again in a month — that's when it usually lands
For spouses and families
- You are allowed to need support of your own; this is not a competition
- Ask about the shift in general terms rather than for details of a call
- Protect sleep at home — it does more for the household than almost anything else
When more help may be needed
- Symptoms that aren't easing after several weeks
- Drinking or substance use that's covering the gap
- Any mention of suicide, or giving things away
- When it's beyond what you can carry — that's the point to bring in peer support or a clinician
If it's urgent
Don't carry it alone. Crisis contacts are one tap away, with no form in between.
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Sample guidance for demonstration. Final wording must be reviewed and approved by qualified behavioral-health professionals.